Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
