I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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