Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
