i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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