I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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