Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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