Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize