i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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