i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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