I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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