He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
