Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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