i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
