the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
