i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
