dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
