Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
