i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
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i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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