I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
