I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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