i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
40s are totally the cure
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
