That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
