U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
