We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
