i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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