Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
