Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
