I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
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