i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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