singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you traded sex for a burrito?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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