I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize