I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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