I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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