i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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