I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
