After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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