I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
