When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
