my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
