in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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