When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
