Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
