i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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