Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
