Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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