went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
