Umm I'm too high to move.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
