Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
