you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she peed on how many people?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
