He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
