I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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