Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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