New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
