This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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