i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
