ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
