I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I need moral support for this bender
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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