I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
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It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
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I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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