dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize