The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
