I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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